All the Conversations I’m Dreading This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving (or Dreads-giving, as I like to call) is a time for families to gorge on the hum-drum details of one another. If your family is anything like mine, they’ll pop out of every nook and cranny in the house subjecting you to an endless interrogation: “Who are you?” “What are you hiding?” “Where were you on the night of _______?” Ah yes, the annual probing marked by passive-aggressive, or aggressive-aggressive jabs. Eating is one of two of my coping mechanisms, even more so on Turkey Day. As I fill up the flask and study the floor plan of my auntie’s house, here are all the nagging, drama-seeking questions and Hallmark card-advice I’m likely to get this Dreads-giving. (Based on previous Thanksgivings over the years 😃)

  1. Are you still writing?
  2. Are you still single?
  3. [Insert latest Trump topic]
  4. What did you think of the turkey? (Instead of rotating turkey-duty, 3 of my aunts bring their own turkey to the table and then proceed to harass everybody into saying theirs was better.)
  5. Isn’t that your third piece of pumpkin pie?
  6. You sure gained a lot of weight.
  7. What’s it like being single? – Cousin who’s been in a relationship since high school
  8. Your daughter’s in 2nd grade now. She get a boyfriend yet? 😡
  9. You’ve totally got a beer belly now lol
  10. Did you try my turkey?
  11. Focusing on your career is good, but real happiness comes from your relationships. – Matchmaker Cousin
  12. [Insert latest Trump tweet]
  13. When are you going to get a real job? 🙃
  14. Your aunt’s turkey is so bland. Mines is better.
  15. What’s your credit score? – Uncle planning to buy a new car
  16. Let me set you up with a friend of mine. You two will hit it off.
  17. Remember when you used to be skinny?
  18. Who ate all of the pumpkin pie? ✋
  19. Could you be my co-signer?
  20. You should stop watching the news. It’s wrecking your brain. – Uncle who religiously watches Fox News
  21. Don’t have more than one kid.
  22. Love comes when you least expect it.

I’m grateful for my family. Our conversations, less so. I’ll be where the drinks are at.

Happy Thanksgiving


6 thoughts on “All the Conversations I’m Dreading This Thanksgiving

  1. Adrian, your list made me laugh. We all have our own list of dreaded questions, don’t we? Sometimes I use the Zootopia method of answering a question:

    It works surprising well and sometimes the asker is none the wiser. 😉

    Despite all the questions you were likely asked, I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving with your family. P.S. I love that your aunts each bring their own turkey.

    1. Appreciate the suggestion! That will definitely come in handy!

      I did in fact have a lovely Thanksgiving. I could do with less prodding, but I suppose that’s family — they keep you on your toes. It’s never a boring occasion, and I think we can be thankful for that.

      Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving yourself. And in case you were wondering, I still have no clue which auntie cooks the best turkey. They all taste the same to me 🤷‍♂️

    1. WOW. Leave it to family to put things into perspective lol. If it makes you feel any better, I got asked when I was getting married for a total of 6 times this year! That’s a record for me and I’m trying to find ways to be proud of that.

      In-laws, am I right? Wouldn’t be a proper Thanksgiving without a green bean casserole and some awkwardness to go around.

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